


Only Forever

by unitchiefwives



Series: Jemily Song-Fics [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 03:29:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19164916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unitchiefwives/pseuds/unitchiefwives
Summary: A song fic about JJ's feelings through the years with Emily based on Only Forever by Demi Lovato





	Only Forever

“I've been thinking 'bout the future  
And I've been thinking 'bout the now  
I know we're gonna be together  
I just don't know how”

So many thoughts were running through JJ’s brain. They came for a case and it just so happens to be Will’s partner who was a victim? JJ was going crazy. Her and Will had been fooling around for a few weeks, but it was nothing serious. She just needed a break from her own issues and he was that break. Honestly, JJ couldn’t face up to her own feelings, that was until this very moment. The blonde took a very deep look at herself once she found out the unsub was gay. It honestly wasn’t until she heard Will say that his partner could have talked to him about it and he would have been fine. 

The case had ended though and the team was getting ready to leave. JJ had two options. One was to accept Will’s offer and be with him, or finally accept herself and be with who she wanted to be with. It was just difficult because all these years she had shoved this part of her down. She did make a step by breaking up with Will and subtly coming out to Hotch, but the bigger step was asking the beautiful brunette woman next to her to go out on a simple date.

JJ was always one to think about the outcomes of her actions before she made a big decision so she thought hard on the future and what she wanted it to be and who she wanted it to be with. Everytime she thought, it always lead to Emily which made her think that no matter what it would always lead to Emily, she just didn’’t exactly know how yet. 

As the blonde was about to turn to the brunette, Emily spoke five words that threw her for a loop, “You should go for him.” JJ was so confused and couldn’t help but think if she read the signs all wrong. She worked with profilers, how did she read it so wrong. She wanted to make sure she heard her right, “You think?” and she got a response she was really hoping she wouldn’t get as emily shook her head yes. 

In that moment she made the worst rush decision of her life and ran to Will to kiss him. In her mind, she was trying to make Emily jealous but she also thought she didn’t have a chance at the same time. The worst part was, Emily thought JJ would be better off with him and that if JJ would have just turned to her instead, they could have saved so much time. Emily sadly watched JJ and Will, only wishing JJ had chosen her.

“You know when we get close  
Can't deny the tension between us both  
And I don't wanna pressure you, but I think you need to make a move”

Garcia was on her fourth glass of wine and was gone. She was talking nonsense and almost passed out on the couch. Andersons girlfriend was near that because they both tried to claim they were heavy weights like they always do and both failed four glasses in. Emily and JJ were the true heavy weights and were quietly watching the two slip into unconsciousness. Once Emily heard the first snore she slowly got up and headed to the kitchen where there was more wine. JJ followed quietly as well.

Pouring them both a fourth glass and them being slightly tipsy, Emily smiled really big at JJ. The blonde was confused, “What?” Emily handed her the glass, “Nothing, I just love you JJ.” it wasn’t what the brunette planned on saying, but she couldn’t say she didn’t not want to say it. She realized what she had done and she put on a bigger smile to hide her inside panic. The panic went away when JJ bit her lip while smiling with her eyes and said, “I love you too Em.” 

Walking over to JJ, still not fully drunk with a strong sense of what was going on, she got close and admired her face. JJ did the same thing. Tension had always been a thing between the two since they first met. JJ had always wanted to kiss Emily and vise versa. They just never did because the timing and their stubborness. Usually the two fought it, but with the small lapse of judgement due to the wine affecting them just enough, JJ went in for the kiss. It started out soft and grew intensely until Emily backed away, “JJ, I really want to, but we can’t.” 

The blonde set her glass down and sat her hands gently on Emily’s hips pulling her in slightly closer, “We love each other Emily,” she paused and kissed Emily on her collarbone, “I love you.” she worked her way up Emily’s neck and the brunettes head went back as JJ continued. Then she came back to reality with a shift of Garica in her sleep on the couch. She took JJ’s head in her hands and put her forehead to hers, “JJ, you can’t do this to Will.” both of their eyes were closed but JJ slowly slipped out of her mouth, “We’re not together at the moment.”

Emily took a step back, “JJ why? You two were doing so good.” a deep breath came from the blonde, “Emily, he loves me so much but I feel like it’s moving so fast.” the truth was that he wasn’t Emily, but she couldn’t say that to her. From the looks of it Emily still knew it as well but she wasn’t going to say anything either because inside Emily felt like she wasn’t good enough for JJ, at least not yet. Even if the brunette never got her chance, at least she would have been emotionally ready if it offered up later for them. 

Emily went to the other side of the counter again and stared at her, “JJ, you just have to talk to him. If things don’t get better from there, then you can leave.” deep down Emily hoped that he would mess up because then she wouldn’t feel so bad. Right now, JJ was also very vulnerable and Emily didn’t want to take advantage of that. JJ just nodded and then grabbed her wine glass and went to sit on a chair in the living room as she scrolled her phone. Once again, she blew her chance with Emily for Will. The only thing in JJ’s mind in that moment was her lost chance. She just kept wondering why Emily always pushed her to Will but she was never going to actually ask the brunette that. She couldn’t. If she couldn’t love her and be with her in the way she wanted to, then she could at least be there for her and be her best friend while sadly loving her with her whole heart silently. 

“Yeah, I can tell that you're terrified to take a shot this strong  
Should I wait up for you day and night  
Just let me know how long”

JJ could feel Emily’s confusion as they were lying on the bed in the hotel room. Emily wanted to talk about it on the plane but she thought better to wait until they were settled. JJ was just trying to ignore the conversation as a whole but seeing the brunettes confusion made her talk. She was going to have Emily talk first though because she was tired of talking first. As they were both lying there JJ rolled over onto her side to face Emily, “What are you thinking about?” 

With her eyes slightly squinted Emily spoke, “Why are you here JJ?” trying to cover up her feelings the blonde quickly responded in a fake cheery tone, “I’m helping you transition to the hiding life.” Emily could see right through her, “JJ, why are you really here? You don’t need to be yet you still are?” 

There was a shift in the tone of the room. It had changed entirely. JJ took a deep breath, “Emily, when I got the call in,” she paused, “when I got the call saying you were in trouble, I dropped everything at my backstop.” Emily was still confused, “But you didn’t have to?” JJ couldn’t believe how unattentive she was being. She put her hand on Emily’s thigh, “I wanted to Emily, when I told you I loved you...I meant it and I still mean it.” she removed her hand and put her legs up to where her elbows were resting on her knees, “Everything is so screwed up now. I should have told you sooner and I should have done things so differently. Now I have Henry and I can’t leave him without-.” 

Emily cut her off and the blonde turned to her, “JJ, the past is the past now. Even though you’re not supposed to be here, I’m only getting through this because of you. Instead of thinking about the past and the future, why don’t we just think about the now.” she cupped JJ’s head and JJ pulled her in closer. “Emily, I don’t want to ever lose you.” the brunette kissed JJ on the forehead, “You won’t JJ, it’s impossible, trust me.” JJ smiled, “Only forever Em?” she smiled back, “Only forever J.”

They were head to head but JJ wanted to make sure, “Are you sure you want to do this?” their eyes met and Emily strongly spoke, “More so than ever.” they continued that night enjoying each other in any way possible. That one night in Paris was theirs and only theirs. After that they’d have to go back to strictly friendship. The sad part was that they each doubted inside that they could handle just friendship. If only they would have realized that sooner so they could save themselves the pain they would ensue later one. 

JJ didn’t want to think about everything she was doing wrong, she just wanted to focus on the person she loved the most, the person she could never stop loving. Even if she could only love her for this small little bit in the way she had wanted to forever, at least she was letting it out somehow.

“What if I told you it's too late?  
What if I say that I can't wait?  
What if I meet somebody else who doesn't leave me on the shelf?  
I'll give you one more chance, but it only lasts”

She said yes. It wasn’t just because Emily was going back to Paris, but JJ would be lying if she said that it wasn’t a huge part of it. She did love Will, just not as much as she loved Emily. Then again, Will was also the father to her son and he did love her. She thought deep and hard on saying yes to the southern man. He had asked her multiple times but she said no because Emily was always on her mind and she couldn’t commit knowing she still had that slight chance. Paris gave the blonde more hope, if anything she thought that once Emily came back that things would eventually even out and they’d have their chance. 

Sadly though, while Emily did get closer in the past year and they had many great memories, towards the end she distanced herself again. JJ wanted to understand why Emily always distanced herself when they had a chance but she could never get it out of her. It sucked because JJ wanted her and loved her so much but in common Emily fashion, instead of figuring things out, she ran. Well, that’s all JJ could think of as a reason for Emily to just leave her. 

JJ thought deeply before saying yes to Will and by the time she was done she could only focus on the fact that while she had multiple chances of telling Emily, Emily had the same equal opportunities of telling her if she felt the same way. Will was here and he cared for her deeply and didn’t push her off to someone else. So she did it, she married him. 

Knowing that people change and that her and Will probably wouldn’t last forever but she would at least try, she had room to give Emily one last chance. Then again, that was only if Emily decided to come back to her, come back to the bureau. Years passed by and Emily came to save her and they kept the talking light even though JJ had more to say. Emily had more to say too but they knew they couldn’t open that old wound back up for such a short amount of time. They did what they did in Paris, which was enjoying the time they had.

Emily came back again about a year and a half after that to catch and unsub she was tracking. Once again, they just enjoyed being in each others presence. Each time though that JJ saw her those times, it got harder to keep her emotions in check. The hardest though was Emily coming back for her last visit and it changed into her becoming the new unit chief. JJ was so excited to have her back that she was in a daze of happiness, that was until it hit her mid year when the feelings she tried so hard to bury came rising up like a boiling pot flowing over. Then it just got awkward between them again because Emily was slowly starting to lose control over her feelings as well. 

They continued for the next two years slowly trying to get to where they were friendship wise but they just couldn’t because those romantic feelings wouldn’t go away. They were made for each other and they knew it, it was just too late. As they both were sitting down at table during Rossi’s wedding, Emily realized something up with JJ but didn’t pry. JJ though felt like she needed Emily to know that she still loved her so all she did was grab Emily’s hand gently and looked her in her big brown eyes, “Only forever?” Emily looked like she was about to cry but she didn’t. She smiled really big with watery eyes, “Only forever Em.”

Emily didn’t need to know about the Spencer misunderstanding because if she loved anyone on the team like that, it was 100% Emily, she just couldn’t tell Reid that or say it in case anyone was listening because Emily and her promised to never tell anyone unless they ever had their second chance. Then again, as JJ reevaluated her life since the kidnapping, the more and more she thought about giving that last chance a shot.

“Only forever, only forever  
Only forever, only forever  
Only forever, only forever  
Only forever, only forever”


End file.
